キノ・マクレガ―のインスタグラム(kinoyoga) - 7月31日 21時53分

I thought I’d missed the sunset, that there would be nothing left of the light for me. It’s a thought I’ve had so many times before, the idea, no not the idea, the fear that there just won’t space for me, that I won’t be good enough no matter how hard I try, that it just won’t work whether I’m too late, too old or too much of something that’s just not wanted or needed, or that I lost it because I got side tracked doing something irrelevant, lost myself in meaningless details, in all the shoulds of the world. The fear of not ever being good enough is like a virus, felt but not always seen. You can say all the right things, read all the books and write down all the intentions but it’s what is in your heart that matters. The hidden layers of the mind reveal themselves at the frayed edges of life, when you’re tired, traveled out, sleepy, hungry, exhausted. I nearly gave up and just went to sleep. I don’t know what told me to go out anyway, even though it seemed dark already. But I did. I walked out to the beach just after the last light, when nearly everyone was gone and the magic hit me with its blessing and promise. This sky painted in these colors was just for me. I don’t know what the dream of life means, but I do know that you get to dream a better a dream if you keep practicing and keep believing. Those old feelings of doubt don’t go away for me so much as I now know not to give them any attention. And I sit here in my silence feeling full, whole and alive.
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