キノ・マクレガ―のインスタグラム(kinoyoga) - 11月14日 01時21分

I woke up this morning and wrapped myself in your memory. I heard your voice, felt your presence all around me. I wanted to buy a new bathrobe for awhile, the one I have just wasn’t right. Then last night standing at your closet door I saw yours and it all made sense about why I never found that perfect robe, it was because it was yours. So this morning I grabbed your robe and made tea and it was like your arms were wrapped around me the whole time. I like to think you’re there with me in the morning. There’s a picture of you on my desk now and I’ll always remember you like that, surrounded by your prize-winning orchids in full bloom, with your champion dogs and all your jewelry. You loved diamonds and emeralds and anything shiny really, you had an eye for the finer things in life. I’ll always see you in your polo shirts and your tropical silks. But also snoozing in the afternoon on the sofa.
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I started reading a book about grief today and it makes sense that my body has felt whacked over the last three years. There’s a phrase called anticipatory grief that everyone has, but is more prominent when you’re facing a terminal illness. We all knew you were dying but we bargained, pleaded, prayed, fought, and begged for you to live. Death wins every time. Nothing that is born lives forever. We are the only species that is cognizant of our own eventual decline, in that we are conscious of the imminence of our death and yet here we are alive. It’s a strange juxtaposition, a riddle that makes life confusing and also so precious. If we lived forever, the permanence of it all might make it meaningless. But we have such little time together (what are years in the face of eternity but drops in the endless sea of time?). It is the very temporality of life that infuses every second with so much meaning. The ephemerality of it all is what makes it so precious, like birds flapping our wings against a storm, or butterflies drifting in the breeze, here today, gone tomorrow.
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Make a decision to love more today. Let the triviality of grievances go. Live each day in love. Let that love grow so big and strong it can hold all the pain in its big strong arms. ?

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