レイチェル・ブレイセンのインスタグラム(yoga_girl) - 3月17日 23時47分

This morning is terrible. Everything is worse worse worse worse. I woke up crying from a horrible nightmare and for a while I forgot where I was and then I remembered I'm in Costa Rica lying in your bed but you are not here.
I keep dreaming of everything that surrounds you and I dream of the pain but you never come see me in my dreams. Not even a little. I think you are with someone else at night because you're not here.

I dreamt we were all staying in a huge house for your funeral and it was full of people I didn't know and also full of people you didn't know and I couldn't find a place to sleep or rest or even sit down. All of a sudden this beautiful family with a small baby come up to me and say "We are here for Ringo" and I don't understand. For Ringo? Why? "You are giving him to us. We are taking him" and all I could say was what do you mean??? No you are not! "This was decided months ago" they said and suddenly I knew they were right and I started panicking. Who decided that we were giving Ringo away??? I ask Dennis. "You did." He said. "You've known about this for a long time" And then they took him. And I was so lost and they did surgery on Ringo even though you couldn't see it on him but they changed something. They took him and he was gone. In the end of the dream I was lying on the floor screaming off the top of my lungs YOU HAVE TO GIVE HIM BACK TO ME YOU HAVE TO but they had a little baby so the fact that I even tried was mean of me, the baby wanted to play with Ringo. And in the whole dream Ringo was neutral, I don't know if he was sad or ok I couldn't tell. I was lying on the floor screaming and these people came and told me "Lets look at what you're really upset about - it's not about Ringo. It's about Andrea" and I said no, it has nothing to do with her I just want my dog back. My baby. I never meant to give him away and the regret was eating me alive and anxiety filling my chest and even now writing this I feel it I feel it I feel it.

I know you are Ringo but I don't think my mind can process it. I can't let go. I just can't and this is killing me where are you???

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