ベス・ロッデンさんのインスタグラム写真 - (ベス・ロッデンInstagram)「After Kyrgyzstan I lived a very narrow life. It was full of achievement, perfectionism and extreme vigilance, which I always thought was noble and good and meant I was healed, because that's what was celebrated in our community. I had a desperate need to feel safe and control was my answer to that. That worked-ish until we had our son. It was quickly apparent that I could not, nor did I want to, control and limit his life and world as I had my own. Motherhood was a crystal clear reflection of how I was living, and I was not nailing it. After several years of therapy for my PTSD I finally felt like my corset of safety had been removed and I could breathe again. When the pandemic hit, I knew I felt anxious and scared, but I sort of thought everyone did. My hyper alertness that I employed after Kyrgyzstan resurfaced with a vengeance. Everyone and everything was a threat, but I had experience with that, so in some ways I was ahead. For the past three years, I've maintained a heightened sense of fear and anxiety and control (I've been a true joy to live with). A few months ago, after being tired of the constant sourness of stress, I went back to therapy. In the past there has always been an event or personality trait that I feel I need to fix, something to undo or conquer and be able to talk about in the past tense. This time, I could only tell my therapist "I feel like it's just me." It seems weird to be back in therapy again, like haven't I done this enough? But I guess I'm realizing that maybe the biggest things for me don't necessarily have a "ta-da" moment or tag line to market. Maybe the things that I feel like I should "get over" will just ebb and flow in life and the "ta-da" moment is actually just having the grace to accept that. // @outdoorresearch @yeti @metoliusclimbing @touchstoneclimbing @ospreypacks @goclimbon @lasportivana @bluewaterropes」2月22日 5時16分