エミリー・ハリントンさんのインスタグラム写真 - (エミリー・ハリントンInstagram)「#RequiredRewind A familiar story.... When I was a teenager I experienced rapid success in climbing as a result of losing weight. It felt amazing - when I was on the wall. Off the wall however I was living in a prison of restriction, fear, and self destruction. I told myself that if my body ever looked like it did before I would never succeed. Eventually my body and mind couldn’t sustain such a strict routine and I gained weight. I was so ashamed. I fought to restrict again, going through phases of starving followed by break downs. It took years to gain the proper perspective and maturity I needed to heal (mostly) and relearn how to train properly. I climbed my first 5.14 at age 18 at around 95 lbs, and in the last 3 years I’ve climbed 4 5.14s and nearly free climbed El Cap in a day - now in my 30s with my natural more muscular build (I don’t weigh myself anymore) Despite that, I still have dark days where I wish I were different - like I used to be. I’ve never publicly spoken about this period of my life with complete honesty or posted photos from this time. I suppose it’s still really confusing. I don’t know if I should feel ashamed or undeserving of what I accomplished then, because those achievements provided a massive springboard for my career. That mindset seems to have scarred me in a way that I’m not sure I’ll ever recover from, but it’s also a part of me that I can’t take back or change. I’m jumping on the bandwagon - a path paved by brave individuals like @bethrodden @kailightner and others. As they have shared their stories I’ve been comforted and inspired by their strength and willingness to be vulnerable and normalize the hard parts. I suppose I hope my story could add to that conversation. Lately (likely a result of this uncertain time) I’ve been falling back into those old thought processes of “not enoughness”. There’s no easy fix to that messy, sticky emotional space, but talking about it seems to help. Link in profile to read Beth’s article in @OutsideOnline on eating disorders and climbing (Kai wrote a nice one as well - look for that too). 📸 1&2: age 18ish 3 (@honngy) & 4 (@dankrauss) current (stronger, fitter & climbing 5.14)」5月3日 3時29分