Kate Oliverのインスタグラム(birchandpine) - 5月18日 01時57分

Leaned against the counter, I was taking a break in the mid-day heat. I was scrolling through Instagram, watching other people’s lives, absentmindedly playing with the strap of my tank top, and my finger brushed against something hard and round in my breast. I felt again, purposefully this time, and went to my wife. “Is this what I think it is?” I should preface the rest of this: I’m okay. It was a couple of majorly swollen lymph nodes grouped together or something, I didn’t hear much other than “you’re healthy, you’re okay”. After a week of wondering, that’s all I needed to hear.
Yet I still stood, at 32, with a lump in my breast and getting a mammogram, and then an ultrasound, when they weren’t sure if it was something or not, and I just felt small. Like I shrank. I sat in an ice cold waiting room in a papery pink smock that tied in the front, my arms wrapped around my middle for warmth and to keep the smock in place and held my unknowns.
And now - I’m okay. I’m at my desk and working this morning, or trying to, and I can’t help but think about not the what-ifs, but the shoulds. It can always be something, even though this time it wasn’t, and I don’t want to forget that when asked how I was feeling about the unknowns, I held my head up. “If it’s something, I’ll fight it, and then I’ll get on with the business of really living....and if it’s nothing, I need to get on with the business of really living”. It’s time to get on with the business of really living.

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