ベス・ロッデンさんのインスタグラム写真 - (ベス・ロッデンInstagram)「I’ve always had minor tinges of sadness around the passage of time related to motherhood. The usual “why are you reminding me of the adorable chubby cheek phase” when my phone shows me a picture from years ago. But for the most part, I feel like I’ve always had a bit of either rational or callous thinking that I was happy to be able to go to the bathroom without pain, done with diapers or no longer waking up five times per night. I was just graduating from phase to phase and at some point I would feel fulfilled and satisfied. (I logically knew that wouldn't be true, but I felt like early parenthood was very much survival and there’s a lot I tried to convince myself of.) I rationally know that watching children grow is a privilege, and autonomy and independence are imperative for them; but the feeling of losing being needed or the loss of worthiness and purpose that is inextricably tied to parenthood (however right or wrong that is) is also very real. Those heavy, polarizing feelings are what make life so nuanced. I always find myself wishing there was some easy way, some low hanging fruit to untangle, instead of these arduous yet subtle emotions that make us all human. But maybe that nuance is the answer; that two things can be true at the same time. Gratitude and grief, joy and sorrow. What we’ve been taught to be contradictory can actually be complimentary, if we make space for it. And I guess that’s the one constant of motherhood in my life, is its ability to amplify all things, including nuance. Picture from what feels like both yesterday and a lifetime ago, walking with my little man beneath the trees in Yosemite.」5月4日 3時47分