タリン・サザンさんのインスタグラム写真 - (タリン・サザンInstagram)「Christmas morning 2019 I woke up puffy and bleary-eyed, having just received some unexpected & upsetting news the night before. To distract myself from myself, I tried putting Tiggie in a festive costume (1st photo), but it did little to lift my spirits. I tried to meditate, but my mind only had space for tears. I still had another month of daily radiation at the hospital, so there was no escaping LA either. And my tiny 1 ft. pine tree, which I had purchased in a fit of giggles for my new home, suddenly looked like the saddest sight ever seen. I looked in the mirror at the large pale bald spots from chemo. Who would want this, I thought. For the first time, I felt unable to soothe a growing sense of loneliness and despair. I wondered…how did I get here? And more importantly, how do I claw my way out? One year later - and I am in Bali (2nd photo.) Here there are no reminders of the holidays. No cat costumes or tiny pine trees to lure me back into a dance with darkness. Just the thick heat of jungle air, an even thicker head of hair, and sweet chunks of papaya with friends old and new. Healing the physical and emotional wounds of this past year has been a slow and deceptive process. Just when I feel I’m finally out of the weeds, I stumble upon a new pang. But I’m pretty sure that’s how this whole ‘being human’ and healing thing works. When things are profoundly hard, that’s just it, there’s no shortcut through or around it….just connection, warmth, and touch to soften the edges. The process is a bit like peeling a stupid magic onion that keeps growing as you peel. The onion never quite disappears (f’n onion!!), but the trick is to just keep peeling. Eventually, the stupid onion gets smaller, and the sting of associated tears lessens as well. For those navigating the harder edges of life right now, give yourself grace in doing whatever it is you need to keep moving. Whether that’s leaning into the grief, finding distraction, loving it into submission, or a million and one other strategies in between, there is no wrong path. You’re chipping away at a very stubborn stupid onion. Eventually, the sting will simmer and subside. T」12月30日 14時15分