タリン・サザンのインスタグラム(tarynsouthern) - 6月27日 13時04分
Oh, Bob. It’s an utterly bizarre thing to discover something deadly is growing inside of you when you feel 100% HEALTHY. And that if you don’t kill IT, it could kill YOU.
It’s been 2 weeks since my first chemo and when people ask how it felt, the best word I can come up with is simply “gross.” Flu-like muscle aches? Check. Throbbing bones? Double check. Pulsing, exploding nerve pain in every corner of the body….’cuz why not? Add a splash of tinnitus, random hot flashes, and the bizarre sensation of being stuck upside down on a loathsome ride of an amusement park, free-falling through darkness....and you get the point.
Every day was a game of Symptom Roulette, each one evolving into the next, clamoring to take the lead for attention. Breakouts, chest rashes, swollen steroid face, the realization that a car battery was secretly implanted in my stomach, spewing acid into every cell. My personal favorite? A never-ending metallic/buzzy taste in the mouth that is as unique and undesirable of a sensory experience as it sounds.
I was even lucky enough to score a date, albeit briefly, with intense auditory hallucinations that put magic mushrooms to shame (thank you, Carboplatin.) Even in my worst pain, I found myself laughing about a few friends who I knew were about to embark on a journey with ayahuasca this past weekend. What if they were just given a round of chemo instead? Pooping/vomiting/hallucinating/self-transformation: CHECK, CHECK, CHECK, CHECK. They may not even know the difference! I digress.
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And then the brain fog. On my worst days, headache piercing, I found myself praying - please kill Bob …but please, please don’t take my brain. “Chemo brain” is a legit/ugly side effect, and can last years post treatment.
And yet, after everything is said and done, the body is remarkably adept at recovery; I was back in the office today, sipping green tea, grateful for a brief respite; grateful to plunk away at my keyboard with a muddled-but-functioning version of my brain. Grateful to forget the physical sensations beyond my now hazy recollection. Grateful for the support, calls, and terrifyingly funny cat costumes. Grateful this will, before I know it, be over.
[BIHAKUEN]UVシールド(UVShield)
thisisdrewyork
I responded to your first post, but after reading this one was also reminded of how in an awful way, disease and illnesses are the great equalizer. It doesn't matter who you are or how little or much money you have; it doesn't matter if you've been extremely healthy or unhealthy, or sometimes if you're young or older; in the most unfortunate of ways, it can find you. I admire how you're handling this, it's not easy I am sure of it. I'm glad to see you smiling in pictures where I'm sure the pain is above substantial. I am sending you all the positivity I can and looking forward to when you are posting about how much better you feel. Nothing but the best for you, Taryn
mrcushing
Transparency is what helps people learn and grow and informs them of what life is TRULY about. Instagram and filters and posed photos for one millisecond have led everyone away from the truth behind life and the ups and the real downs. Your updates are incredible, heartbreaking and inspiring all at once. I’m so sorry you are going through this. You have an unbelievable spirit and head on your shoulders and that will absolutely help you through the dark times. Thank you for exposing your journey and thank you for being a light for everyone as well as yourself in the darkness. Positivity is coming at you from everywhere on earth. Absorb it and let Bob have it 👊🏻🙌🏻
scalpel_jockey
This may get lost in the comments but I wanted to say I am glad your spirits are remaining high. Last year I lived this life (chemo 5x a week for 2 weeks, then 2 more treatments a week apart). The only thing that got me through was a loving support group and the ability to laugh at the horrible disease in my body. Your Lonesome ride description was perfect for the sensation that I’ve never fully been able to describe ??. Keep laughing and living, and this will just be a distant memory someday that made you stronger. ✌?
raoulbar
Dear Taryn, I heve followed you, from Italy, since I watched the video of "the wrong hole". I like very much your voice, your beauty, your way of being an artist. I was very sad, today, when I read your post. I am sure that your vitality, your smile and last but not least, the support you have been receiving here will help you to recover and to show us the best, in the next future, of a great artist. Good luch, Taryn!
utkarsh030201
Taryn I tried a little bit, I just want to put an honest smile on your face.
Speak what you feel inside!
(we all love you, just get well soon)
F**k the BOB inside!
(we all love you, just get well soon)
Time to treat it right
(we all love you, just get well soon)
it's gonna be alright
(we all love you, you're so wonderful)
These are just noises
I hope you like it 🤞
toddwoelfl
I desperately hope some day we figure out the treatment with genetics that will make chemotherapy look as crazy as people taking mercury in the past. It is saving so many lives but it is so hard to see all of the side effects for people that feel otherwise healthy. Thank you for sharing your story, stay strong you have a lot of support!
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