スカイラー・カーギルのインスタグラム(skylarkergil) - 2月23日 03時56分

lately, i've been in a lot of pain - both emotionally and physically. i don't like to share that because when i do, it tends to make me feel worse. but i just thought i'd update on what all that means to keep ya in the loop in case i do need to reach out in the near future ? emotionally - i've been struggling with sleep (psych prescribed me ambien but it makes me feel sick in the morning) and no matter how exhausted i am, the moment i lay down, my mind runs for hours with so many thoughts, both positive and negative. simultaneously, during the day, i struggle with focus (my psych said "you're too successful to have adhd" and i just can't deal w him) and at the same time- my own autonomy. i'm thankfully in therapy with a lovely woman to help me figure out me and what i actually want in my life (currently: a studio and a dog, but im impulsive.) my focus issues may also be tied to the physical pain i'm in. the pain radiates from my neck to my shoulder to my elbow and then numbs half my fingers. it wakes me up. it makes it hard to paint, play guitar, record videos, type on the computer, use my phone, sleep, i cannot lift any weights, and can't bike. i have to brace it at night and sleep on my back. it could be simple compression of my ulnar nerve but my doc is worried and i have an MRI that i can barely afford on march first and hopefully will have answers after that, albeit this issue has been going on since september and is exhausting me.
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when push comes to shove, i know i'll make it through. but its fucking hard, i'm exhausted, and i just want to start anew like these sprouts growing on top of a bathroom that i was peeing in when some woman barged in as my pants were around my knees. it was awful. just a fresh start, please. ?? i love you all and thank you for listening #trans #alright #sprout #healing #makeitbetter

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