アレックス・ジョンソンさんのインスタグラム写真 - (アレックス・ジョンソンInstagram)「@walkergenevive here again.I’d like to talk about something that I’ve been struggling with for over fifteen years. It’s something I’ve been ashamed of and denied for a very long time but finally feel ready to talk about - my eating disorder, a.k.a bulimia. I was always overweight growing up. My mom thought blaming it on big bones was helpful but instead it felt irreversible. Being the fat Black kid in the class didn’t help either-especially in high school when relationships start and you begin to learn about yourself. I started purging in the 9th grade to lose initial weight, but once I stopped and the weight came back I started again. This turned into a downward spiral. Fainted a few times walking with friends, cavities started to develop in my molars, water retention in my cheeks, and the list continues. You think that would stop me, but body dysmorphia is fucking real. Achieving some unobtainable size was more important than a few teeth. Once I started to climb in college I quickly realized that I couldn’t keep purging due to the lack of energy, so I (slowly) quit. If it wasn’t for climbing, my organs would’ve given up by now. Climbing saved my life. I loved watching my fat grow into healthy muscle and my body get strong. Progress continued until I plateaued. I questioned what I did wrong and compared myself to stronger climbers around me. What did I see? Skinny, lean crushers. For once I didn’t see myself as fat, but thought shedding weight would increase performance. So I started purging again. For a minute I felt stronger than ever but began to see symptoms reappear. I thought climbing was supposed to save me from this? Strength doesn’t amount to a number on a scale, and climbing isn’t my ticket to a bulimic free life. I accept that I’ll be fighting this battle forever and climbing alone isn’t going to change that. Society expects so much from us - to be skinny, muscular, beautiful, natural, strong, sexy, and so on - and every year the standard changes a little. It’s sickening trying to achieve an unrealistic standard of beauty and strength. Instead, recognize the rad features we have. Muscles are beautiful, curves are sexy, and I love my bingo arms.」8月13日 0時40分