レイチェル・ブレイセンのインスタグラム(yoga_girl) - 7月2日 10時06分
This girl. She is outgrowing every outfit. I swear we just got this dress and it’s already looking short! She joins us in the room for YTT once or twice a day. Sometimes running around stealing everybody’s pens, sometimes sitting quietly in her own chair next to me when I lecture, sometimes throwing our Tibetan bells on the floor, sometimes doing down dog seven times in a row and giving herself applause. Sometimes shrieking with excitement, sometimes quietly talking to herself, sometimes crying because she is tired and there are people all around. But she is here. She adores the participants - she loves people. Yesterday she went around the community table and high-fived everyone in laps.
I miss her every moment of every day - even when she is with me because I can’t fully immerse myself in her world right now. Our time alone is short and so precious and I wish I had more hours in a day. This evening we ended early after having worked at the studio since 6am. I was so excited to go home and actually get to put little moon to bed - a “normal” night! And we come home and she had a bad nap day and doesn’t want to sleep and now it’s 9pm and I’ve been trying to put her to bed since 7. She hasn’t had trouble falling asleep like this since she was a tiny baby. Does she sense my distance? Or is she just having a hard evening? I don’t know. Balancing pursuing my dreams as a teacher and entrepreneur with being a mom is super hard. I’m leading this teacher training group because I want to - it’s one of my favorite things. I’ve been longing for this training all year. And now it’s here, and I miss shark baby. So much it hurts. And I know... These things can exist at once. I can love what I do and also miss my baby. Be present with our group and love her the same. She floats in and out. What a way to grow up - at a yoga studio! Adored by all.
I’ll probably be sleeping on the floor in her room tonight and it’s not what I planned for today but that’s what’s here. Motherhood and tiredness and doubt and worry and more love than I could ever possibly know what to do with
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2018/7/2
