Catharine Mi-Sookのインスタグラム(catharinemisook) - 5月3日 21時50分
Death and loss have a very sobering effect with those left in its wake. Aside from grief and sadness and the emotions that may seem natural or obvious, it has a way of shaking up overall perspectives in general. At least for me. The things that I used to have no bandwidth for I suddenly have such patience with, and other things that I had much more patience with I suddenly have little to no bandwidth for. It completely reset how I delegate my energy reserves. Before all this I had a tendency to give or extend even when my heart wasn’t in it or at times overextend beyond what felt good and right. Now I cannot. Even if I wanted to, when my heart whispers “no” my entire being shuts down. I lose my words. My energy wanes. And I can’t even find a way to apologize for just proverbially turning around and walking away without explanation. In a strange sense I’m very thankful for this. It’s a good reset. A needed one. No one should have to apologize for honoring their heart especially when it is saying “no.” No should apologize for simply being when no wrongs have been done. It is okay to have reserves, to say no often, to not engage when it doesn’t feel right or to engage when it does, to say yes where you want to, to take care of yourself, and to do all of the above unapologetically. Those who love you with a healthy love and who are positive influences in your life will adjust, cheer you on and celebrate it. Anyway these are the sort of thoughts I’ve been penning in my journal lately and are the changes I find myself walking through. And in all of it - every little bit - I feel my dad’s smile and hear his “atta girl” because it’s a gift he left behind and I’m fully receiving it by walking in a new stride. And smiling back too.
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