ルイーズ・ペントランドのインスタグラム(louisepentland) - 12月21日 00時14分

Today marks 25 years since my darling mother took her last beautiful breath and went to live with Gran, Ginge the cat and the 3 legged hedgehog in heaven. Over the years more have joined her but back in the 90's, that was the heaven clan. 7 year old Louise believed she lived in a house made of pink pearlescent shells with a fountain outside that spewed out only orange smarties instead of water. I don't miss her, I'm so accustomed to the mum shaped hole in my life that the hot pain of yearning for a person isn't often there. I miss the moments we should have though. Little things like how much she'd love rooting through my PO box when it comes laden with goodies, how much she would enjoy my Christmas decorations this year or how she'd be tickled by Liam's sense of humour. The big moments too leave me reflective. A new baby due any day that she will never feel the weight of in her arms, the silky feel of Darcy's hair that I stroke whilst we watch films, the books I'll write and she'll never read. Those things sting. A few months ago I took this necklace off. The pearl ring is hers and the heart is Gma Pentland's. Anyway, months ago I lost it and was gutted. This morning, I was putting on my makeup, moved my lipstick and there it was, just sat by the sink as if it had been there all the time. It was so odd but I took it as mum saying hello. I'd said I wanted to have Pearl today to make it a happy day rather than sad. Doesn't look like I'm going to get my baby Pearl in the next few hours but I did get this one. ✨. Writing a bit of an essay here but also wanted to say thank you to the so so many friends and family who have send nice messages- I've got good peoples. ❤️

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