レイチェル・ブレイセンのインスタグラム(yoga_girl) - 6月14日 10時36分

For my love. I miss you every day.
_

I didn't know it, but I've been carrying an overwhelming amount of guilt over Pepper's death. Even though he saw several vets before he died and no one caught it, I still felt I should have known he was sick. I should have known. He was acting normal, running, eating well... But something was off. We brought him to the vet again and again and all they did was tell us to change his diet, to give him ear drops, to wait it out. I was so busy with our wedding and in retrospect, didn't give him enough attention. I should have paid more attention.
_

On our flight home from Sweden the stewardess kept commenting "what an amazingly quiet dog". I said "I know - he is such a good boy". But he was unusually quiet and wrapping him up in a blanket on the plane was the first time I thought "what if something actually is wrong?". The thought chilled me to the bone. We came home, went to bed, and when we woke up the next morning Pepper was blind. Four days later he died.
The pain that still lives in me is massive. At times I feel like it's going to swallow me whole. It's not until now, after all the inner work I've done, that I'm realizing... Pepper's death wasn't my fault. A part of me will always feel like I should have known but the truth is, If I could have saved him I would have. IF I COULD HAVE SAVED HIM I WOULD HAVE. Of course I would have. I loved him like my baby. I still do. Four veterinarians didn't know he was sick so how could I? I can't change this reality. I have let myself live with a guilt so heavy it's kept me up at night for almost two years but this is the only actual truth of the situation: If I could have saved him I would have. I just couldn't. Life had other plans.

Pepper died and now @sgtpeppersfriends is rescuing animals in his name, every single day. I see him in the eyes of every dog we save.

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