Cory Richardsのインスタグラム(coryrichards) - 2月19日 07時42分

When I got divorced, the term narcissist got thrown around a lot. Writing a book about my life and mental health led me to long hours of research. Are we really all surviving narcissism? Studies indicate that 1-6 % (.01, .06) of the population has clinical Narcissistic Personality Disorder. The probability that you were with a clinical narcissist is fairly unlikely. Narcissism expresses on a continuum and is often situation dependent. I don’t doubt that you were taken in by charm and charisma only to feel deceived and hurt by selfishness and disregard. This can be very abusive and toxic as well. NPD is different. Deceit isn’t necessarily an indication of NPD, nor is manipulation. Likewise, we often initially evade accountability when things fall apart. That is not a lack of empathy or accountability. Those things can take time. When we hurt, we look for reasons to explain and blame. Inverse to its expression, NPD is rooted in shame and self hatred and the behaviors work to mask that. When we are in unhealthy dynamics, we often feel both those things because we are rejecting our intuition as we choose to endure something we know is wrong for us. It’s reasonable to assume that those feelings might present in ways that appear narcissistic. That doesn’t negate accountability for being an asshole, but it can explain why actions look and feel like NPD. It’s also important to remember NPD is a neurobiological maladaptation usually rooted in complex post traumatic stress just like bipolar or even ADHD (at times) It’s a survival mechanism and it isn’t chosen. Demonizing it does not serve any of us. There is no epidemic of NPD, but rather a wide misuse of the term. As a buzz word, narcissism is often used to escape our own accountability in unhealthy dynamics, which is ironically, narcissistic behavior. Casually accusing people of it erodes its clinical reality and gives hurt people a scapegoat while robbing real victims of its potency and wreckage. It’s important that we reserve these terms for professionals. Very few of us are ‘surviving narcissism’ even while we might be surviving real abuse. As a misused label, it becomes a way to explain something that cut deep.

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