Ilana Wilesのインスタグラム(mommyshorts) - 7月14日 11時51分

I’m struggling with how it felt to be back in NYC. For one thing, our apartment was like a time capsule from when we left in March. There was a leprechaun trap set up on the window sill for St. Patrick’s Day. There was a quote from International Women’s Day on the letter board in the kitchen. There were signs we made for our Girl Scout cookie stand on the dining room table. Events from a lifetime ago. Harlow ran up to the trap, disappointed that in all that time, we STILL had failed to catch a leprechaun. I think it would have been worse if there was a tiny decomposing skeleton in there, but to each their own! There was laundry in the hampers, mid-year school projects on their desks and Valentine’s Day candy in the cabinet. Mazzy grabbed a bunch of her graphic novels and Harlow packed up her summer dresses to take back home. Yes, I said “home” in reference to the house. A few people noticed that on my story. We were in our apartment for all of two hours before the kids started fighting and I turned to Mike and said, “we would have killed each other.” Which, I guess, is why there are so many New Yorkers out on the sidewalks and taking advantage of the new outdoor restaurant set-ups that spill out onto the streets. New York City has always been more about outside life, than life inside our apartments. It was nice to see people out and about, acting normal if not for their masks— almost everyone we saw was wearing them. At night, with all the lights strung up everywhere, it looked almost festive. In normal times, I’d be writing a little note to myself about a spot that looked particularly cool and planning a night out with friends. But, I don’t know if everyone acting normal in NYC should be celebrated or looked at as a glaring indication of how easy it is to slide back to where we were. I have very mixed feelings about returning in the fall. My old fear was that the NYC I love wouldn’t be there when we returned. My new fear is that it already feels the same, but I’m no longer the person who will join in on the fun. I don’t know. I feel sad writing this. It’s weird not feeling at home in your home. While also recognizing we are very privileged to have the choice.

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