アシュリー・ハートさんのインスタグラム写真 - (アシュリー・ハートInstagram)「I felt sophisticated just stepping foot in Washington DC. ‘The capital of America’ sounds powerful right? Well it absolutely felt that way. Strangely, the grandiosity of this place instantly brought up a strong insecurity within me, which I didn’t realize ran so deep. ‘I’m dumb’ reverberated off the walls at the Lincoln memorial, where intelligence was so clearly prevalent. Abraham’s 2 most famous speeches etched into the marble. This place was the stage where many of today’s heroes, who essentially changed the course of our world, once stood. And there I was, standing in the exact place Martin Luther King made his ‘I had a dream speech,’ about to do an interview with the head park ranger, feeling very small about myself. What was this weight I was feeling??? I had done some research to at least know a little bit of what I was going to be talking about and had a few scripted questions to follow, yet I felt nervous and out of my depth. This is a feeling I have been coming up against a lot lately in this hosting role. The voices in my head were running wild and my self talk was downright mean. Usually, any intellectual facts about the world or complex history, especially politics, would be lost on me. I developed a strategy to address this that can best be described as “smile and nod”. Not because I didn’t want to learn but simply because I decided, years ago, that being a slow learner meant that I’m not one of ‘those people’. Yet on camera, I couldn’t hide. The feeling of false confidence was so unsatisfying. It felt inauthentic. It created a nervousness that I wasn’t able to get a handle on or quite understand. I realized in that moment, it’s this story I’ve been telling myself about being stupid. That was the disconnect between hearing information and actually understanding it. The memories of being called on to read out loud as a kid (not actually knowing how to read until I was about 15) or just the idea of presenting anything in front of my classmates would literally make me sick. Everything seemed amplified when I was in front of the camera. I was thinking, ‘I’m slow,’ ‘I can’t remember things,’ ‘I’m dumb,’ ‘don’t see me mess up’ etc. (cont’d👇🏻)」12月18日 2時07分