レイチェル・ブレイセンのインスタグラム(yoga_girl) - 6月14日 14時38分

You can’t tell in this photo but I’ve been crying my eyes out. I’m on my way home to Aruba now, leaving little moon and Dennis in Sweden for another five days. I’m calling this Project Alone Time - I’ve been struggling with my wellbeing this trip and have desperately wanted to go home. I have 23 days of yoga teacher training coming up and feel a huge need to ground. My husband on the other hand feels the absolute opposite and wants to stay in Sweden for as long as he can. A few weeks ago we decided to stop arguing about it and to give this a try: me, alone at home to rest and restore and prepare for YTT and baby and baby daddy continuing to adventure and be with family for an extra few days. It sounded good in the moment - five whole days alone to meditate, practice yoga, get some work out of the way, clean the house... But I’ve had massive anxiety about leaving Luni over the past couple of days. Cried myself to sleep last night. And now I’m in a cab wondering what the hell is wrong with me? What kind of mother leaves her baby for five days for no reason? There were many but I can’t remember a single one right now. I feel so guilty. Forgot what the point was. Miss her so much my whole body aches. If I think about her I cry. I’m trying to make this into something good and to not let my head spin out of control - it’s just a few days and soon I’ll we’ll all be home together - but this feeling is AWFUL. Like I’ve lost a limb. And somehow because it’s “for me” I can’t shake the guilt! If it was purely work I would feel better about it which is so messed up in a lot of ways.
At least I have Ringo. The OG baby. Amsterdam next. Almost home. x

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