Dazed Magazineのインスタグラム(dazed) - 3月1日 21時20分

What's it like being young and gay in Russia today?
GRIGORIY, 17, FROM KRASNODAR

I’ve never lived anywhere other than Russia, so I don’t know if there’s a place on earth where people live differently. [Homophobia] is penetrated in my life so deeply that I don’t even feel it. My friends around me date each other in all possible combinations, while I get used to living with the idea that that life is just not for me. That love is not for me. And sometimes, I’m horrified to notice that I’m already okay with it. I know I’m not wrong or corrupted. It’s just the way the cookie crumbles in Russia. If you’re straight – you’ll be fine. Otherwise, shut up and suffer, or struggle and suffer. I’m not sure which is worse.

I came out to my Mum – if you can call it that – about a year ago. She walked in on me masturbating to gay porn. I was forced to tell my Dad and sisters. Most of my friends don’t know, but it’s not because I’m scared of being abused. No one really asks, actually. The hardest thing is actually finding someone to date, because there’s no one – almost no one – who’s out where I live. It’s not like I’m alone in the jungle. I’m alone in the desert.

I’ve thought about leaving Russia, and I’m putting a lot of effort into improving my English. But it’s almost impossible to move abroad and get a job. Russian education doesn’t count for much in Western countries, and foreign education is extremely expensive. Honestly, chances are that I’ll just rot here. I’m not as lucky as you. Please, don’t ever forget how lucky you are to be born where you were born. Sure, you have your troubles, but you have freedom and tolerance. You should make the most of the opportunities you have, out of respect for the people who don’t have them.
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