レイチェル・ブレイセンのインスタグラム(yoga_girl) - 12月22日 12時14分
Happy birthday, love. Happy 25th. Or, happy would-have-been-25. I don't know what a day like today is supposed to feel like. I can't call you and wish you happy birthday and that pisses me off at a level I didn't know existed. I have been dreading today. Anticipating it, wanting to skip it. It's your birthday and you are not here.
Exactly one year ago we had just finished up a retreat in Uvita together. We did the chocolate ceremony and you held my hand the whole time. We played guitar and you fell asleep with your head on Dennis shoulder and he fell asleep too and you lay there the whole night, snuggled together on the couch. It was so beautiful and someone took a picture and I shared it on Instagram and a random person commented "I can't believe you let your fiancé cuddle with another woman like that don't you get jealous" and we laughed so much reading it because how can you be jealous at someone you share a heart with.
We drove up to San José and went to the mall for frozen yoghurt and OSHO books and it was the day before your birthday so I snuck away and bought you a dress that I knew you would love but I loved it so much I bought two instead of one. We went out that night wearing our identical dresses looking like total idiots laughing the whole time because it was so funny but no one got it. We were just the same. We left and you turned 24 and no one knew it would be your last birthday and that three months later you would hit a truck on the highway and 25 would have to happen without you. I wish I would have known it was your last birthday. I wish I would have known. I would have never left but stayed there in that moment wearing our identical dresses laughing forever or maybe just another few minutes so I can remember what we talked about after that because right now I can't.
I'm wearing your dress now and mine is hanging in the closet. We toasted for you this morning and it's been your birthday all day and I'm in bed now and the day is almost over and it's ok. Or it's not ok but it's ok that it's not. You would want it to be a happy day and I think we did alright.
Feliz cumple gemela. Pies descalzos. One day at a time. I love you always
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