レイチェル・ブレイセンのインスタグラム(yoga_girl) - 6月6日 05時30分

I haven't been able to write about you in a while because everything has shifted and I don't know what's true anymore. I used to feel like everything that happened this year was just a dream. Now I have a hard time remembering us both alive. I close my eyes and I can't see you dancing anymore. It feels like it wasn't the accident that was a dream, but you. Maybe your whole life was a dream I had in another lifetime.

Dennis taught yesterday and in Savasana I started crying because there hasn't been a single Savasana since you died when I haven't cried. The silence brings the pain out. I couldn't feel you close and I tried to think of that stupid joke you told me before the accident that no one but us thought was funny but I couldn't remember it. I tried to think of us dancing to Rising Appalachia but I couldn't think of a single song. I tried to hear your voice in my head but all I could hear was the wind and my breathing. When my crying got really bad Dennis came over and sat down next to me and held my feet. Then he came around and massaged my shoulders and my forehead and gave me a kiss and wiped some of my tears away with his beard. He held my face and a strange thought popped into my head: "How can he sit here by my head when he is holding my feet at the same time?" because I could feel the warmth of hands to my feet still. Someone was still holding my feet. Firmly.
And all of a sudden I understood everything. Dennis held my face and you held my feet. It was so clear. So real. I felt your hands holding my heels and squeezing my toes and sending me comfort through your palms. You sat there on the floor for so long that when Savasana was over I opened my eyes and actually expected to see you there next to my mat. You weren't there. But you were. I closed my eyes again and heard the wind and the sound of my breathing but this time it wasn't sad because you are the wind and you are also my slow inhales and exhales and the space in between them. You are hands on my feet and Dennis kissing me and the sliver of the moon rising in the distance as we drive away. You are me and I am you and the separation is the only dream

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