Robert Bingamanのインスタグラム(robertjosiah) - 10月23日 00時12分

It’s me. I remember being more heartbroken than ever by the patterns in my own life, the events unfolding in our country, and the general state of human activity. I remember that I had just grilled a perfect steak.

It was around this time that I realized I was not simply struggling with a bout of poor mental health again, but that for my entire life I’ve been haunted by a condition no one seems to share. And that just as a tree can’t change its grain, this challenge would be with me for the rest of it.

I’ve done so much to disguise it, and until now I’ve done ok. I’ve gained true companions. I’ve found fulfilling work. I’ve done everything I can to steer the intermittent agony of being alive into pursuits that would make that depth of feeling worthwhile. I have survived each dark night.

And what I’ve learned along the way is that there are many like me. There’s nothing we did to be the way we are. I’ve also learned that no one is looking after us. In fact, our leaders aren’t even looking after their own mental health. One in particular has fashioned a crude ideology made purely from and for the advancement of his own illness. It isn’t good.

And so on the eve of more calamity, I ask those considering everything and everyone from unborn babies to unseen threats, what about us? We who struggle silently—and usually with great shame—with mental health. For us the choice is stark. On one hand there is someone who values our collective health, vows to remove the stigma, and pledges mental health care for all. On the other, there’s a man whose name flies in bold letters above what has become a passing phrase that embodies both his party and his persona: “fuck your feelings.”

A great America could afford a political reality that finally admits the fallacy of a society made of individuals. It would relish intellectual honesty, and be governed by citizens who acknowledge luck as the thing that got each one of us the furthest. We are not yet that people.

Anyone who knows chronic inner pain knows the dream of freedom. I look forward to the day we’re no longer arguing over the sanctity of life, but dealing plainly with the dignity of the living.

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