Huffington Postさんのインスタグラム写真 - (Huffington PostInstagram)「Editor’s note: This piece was written on July 7, 2020, less than three weeks after the death of the author’s husband. It captures the emotions she was feeling at that time.⁠ ⁠ "My husband is dead. Those words don’t feel real," writes HuffPost guest writer Kristin Crane. "Ian Donald Maclean-Blevins, age 34, died at 12:50 a.m. on Friday, June 19, 2020. I try not to count the days, but I do wake up every Friday morning and acknowledge that it’s been another week without him. How long will that counting go on? For a year? Two years? Forever?"⁠ ⁠ "It doesn’t feel real. His autopsy is done, his ashes returned to me, his obituary posted, and I’ve received his death certificates, but I still expect him to come home to me," Crane writes. "It feels like when he was in the hospital, when I couldn’t visit him for weeks at a time due to COVID-19 restrictions."⁠ ⁠ "He will be home soon, as soon as he is better, I catch myself telling myself," Crane says. "Every morning when I wake up, for a split second, I forget ― I forget that he’s gone, I forget that I’m grieving, I forget that life as I knew it is over. I have little moments like that throughout the day, too. I will be looking at pictures of him for the hundredth time on Instagram or Facebook and for just a second I forget why I am doing it ― why I am obsessed with seeing him ― when he should be sitting on the couch next to me."⁠ ⁠ "Grief guidelines call it denial," Crane adds. "There is no way of knowing what that word really means until you have to feel it. No amount of reading can prepare you for it."⁠ ⁠ "Denial is your body’s way of trying to lessen the blow. Your body knows that you can’t handle the full force of the grief and mourning of losing your 34-year-old husband, so it attempts to protect you," she explains. "It doesn’t allow you to believe what has happened until your body, and your heart, are ready to feel it... So, when you fall into the unending depression and grief, you don’t feel as if you fell quite as far."⁠ ⁠ Read Crane's moving essay at our link in bio. // 📷 Courtesy of Kristin Crane」9月19日 8時01分