イングリッド・ニールセンのインスタグラム(ingridnilsen) - 7月5日 02時48分
On my last episode of The Slow Down I mentioned growing a backbone and people wanted to know what that process looked like. Comment below to let me know what I should talk about next!
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minnyjeong
Hi Ingrid! Thanks for taking the time to share this with us. I just saw your “perfectionism” IGTV video and decided to watch this one. I totally resonate with you for both. I feel like your “past” self is currently me trying to figure out how to work towards being more happy, content, and assertive. I, for sure, consider myself to be a peacemaker. I’ve actually taken the “enneagram quiz” (it’s like the 16 personalities quiz but more in depth) and got “peacemaker” as the result. The reason why I’m saying this is that I try to please everyone even at the cost of my own time and happiness. I find myself having no sense of “self” and direction, because I’m always adapting and changing to others’ needs. So my question is: how did you discover what you want and what made you happy? How did you end up finding the direction you wanted to head towards? To be assertive, you need to know what you want and what you believe in. However, like me, if you’re the type of person to adapt to other’s needs, the beliefs of others start to consume you and you start believing that those are the directions you should take. Thanks a lot!
yuffin_
Ingrid, watching this made me feel so at peace. You are so articulate and the way you speak is calming and thoughtful. I'm 25, and I feel like my backbone is growing on a daily basis. An example of a work related time I grew a backbone was when I found out someone at my job with the same position as me who had just gotten hired with my same qualifications was getting paid more than me. I had been there for over 2 years, and it was a job that valued individual sales numbers and mine were consistently high and I worked my butt off. I approached my manager about it and it was an uncomfortable conversation, but it felt good to stand up for myself and value my skills. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to get more compensation, but just sticking up for myself and valuing my worth was really rewarding despite it being scary and confrontational. Also, for another video in this series, in one video a long time ago, you said you were a recovering perfectionist and I can relate so much. Can you share tips for forgiving yourself and accepting when you're not "your best" all the time?
nina.robichaud
Loved this video, I needed to hear this. I thought I had a backbone until my last job.... what I discovered was that I tend to prioritize keeping the peace over standing up for myself. This set me up for disaster when I found myself working with an individual that constantly bullied me at work. (Long story short, I put in my 2 weeks notice to save myself from perpetual misery) When you said standing up for yourself keeps you from diminishing yourself, that struck a chord with me. I felt like I was completely diminished as a result of “keeping the peace”.... there’s a point where being assertive is warranted. It’s one of the hardest life lessons I’ve had thus far. 😔 I’m still working on it. Thanks, Ingrid ❤️
kaela.e.lindsay98
I’m going to be 21 and I’m still learning to become a stronger version of myself. Growing up I was a very shy person and unfortunately didn’t speak up for myself when needed or when I should’ve. I’m learning how to grow a backbone, specifically in relationships. I’ve had two failed relationships with guys but I have started, through those relationships learned to not settle for less and sacrifice my morals and values to keep a guy, because I want to be a strong person mentally and if I can stick to my values, a guy will respect me. Thank you, @ingridnilsen for having such open and honest conversations with your listeners and viewers, like myself.
tamara_epps
Honestly the way I became more assertive was to 1) fake it, pretend to have that confidence til it became real and 2) to remember that everyone else is focused on their own lives so if I do mess up or make a mistake, the chances are that of anyone does notice it won't be a large part of their life so they probably won't care. Also, since becoming chronically ill, I only have so much energy and I just don't want to waste it on worrying about making mistakes, or saying yes when it's not something I want.
sarahiiab
Loved this video! Thank you! This is something I am currently working on and hope to improve as I continue to grow and progress in my life. I was also hoping you would elaborate on this and I truly appreciate it. How has this translated into your non work life? Would love to hear that. What about with family? How do you voice your opinion without offending anyone or end up apologizing for something that you didn’t do?
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