ファイン・フレンジーのインスタグラム(alisonsudol) - 3月7日 21時45分
I’ve been wanting to post a video for a while addressing a couple of things. 1) why I completely disappeared after proclaiming I was going to do 30 days of video chronicling my paleo brain/body mental health reset + 2) a remark I made about antidepressants that upset some folks. The reason I keep wanting to do it but haven’t actually done it is cuz I go to make a video + get overwhelmed by how much there is to say + it won’t fit into a minute video. I literally can’t even make the intro a minute. But here’s the long + the short. I dumped my big reset on day 3. It was a) too much meat b) I might not have been doing it right c) aggravating certain deep-seated perfectionistic, problematic qualities in myself that I’ve been trying very hard for a long time to soften and d) a bad idea to try and do in the public eye. On day 3, my thyroid doctor told me I should be eating certain things that I wasn’t supposed to eat on the reset + shouldn’t be eating other things, and even though there wasn’t a huge conflict there, I was so fragile at that moment and so geared up to FIX MYSELF with bison meat that even just a few little pokes at my big plan were enough to cause a total meltdown. David said maybe I should stay away from social media for a little while + focus on gentleness + moderation rather than going for such an extreme approach when I was in the state I was in (aka a mess). I mumbled something crabby and incoherent but then secretly listened to him. On night 3 I had two glasses of wine with a dear friend, on day 5 I ate pizza. I felt better. In that moment, the greatest act of self-care I needed to do was to acknowledge what I was feeling, to be with it, and to loosen my grip on needing to control it all. To hang out with a friend, eat food and laugh (I’ve been eating all the everything since, which is its own post). My depression comes + goes. I ride the waves as best as I can. Sometimes I don’t even realize I’m underwater until something pulls me out of it. My meditation teacher @gemmagambeelewis says depression is anger turned inwards. I turn this over in my mind + wonder. Is that why some of it dissipated when I was kind to myself...? It’s a work in progress.
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vahn421
It must be hard having to hold up a public image. I have terrible depression, too. There are days I just don't feel like doing anything. The trick is to realize none of us... none of us at all are superhuman, and we do others a disservice by pretending we are, because it causes them to want to live up to an impossible standard.
I'm glad you're being honest about your depression. It will help others far more to know we're all the same than it will for them to feel you are superhuman, because there's nothing left to relate to when we project a false image of ourselves.
Glad you have people in your life that are supporting you, A.
pamrobins1
Not everything we try in life is going to work out, but if we don’t give ourselves the chance to try, then we would never know. So at least now you know the reset strategy is not what’s right for you, as it’s not going to be right for everyone who tries it, so nothing is really lost but in fact gained. The important thing is that you are doing ok now. You will ride out the waves if they happen to resurface, and I think you will be just fine. Take care, be well and always be kind to yourself.
missmoonbunny
So much love and healing wishes to you ✨💕 I don’t think there is a default fix that works with everyone and I think finding your own with loved ones, pizza, wine etc is best. Different things soothe each persons souls and I think those are the magic things to reach for in the difficult times. I hope you find yourself on the better side of the waves. Thank you for always being so honest and inspiring.
marifilmstudent
Maybe you have an old habit of wanting to do this self care thing perfect too? Just a thought. I don’t know you, but what you’re saying reminded me of a friend who struggles similarly. My friend will make attempts at being nicer to himself, but then end up trying to be perfect(which really is impossible). Just a few thoughts that fell into my mind while reading this. I believe in you ❤️
akuffel83
Please share your thyroid story. I have thyroidism (hypo and hyper) in my family, but currently, my levels are fine. I don't feel fine. I'm riding a rollercoaster sometimes and it comes mostly when I'm hungry and forget to eat. I try to diet and cleanse but my emotions wreck me. WTF.
plot.twist.art
Somewhere in the middle always seems to be a good place, glad you're finding you're way to what works for you. It might change from day to day, just listen to your body and spirit (and @dkharbour). You got this 🤗 ❤✌
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