レイチェル・ブレイセンのインスタグラム(yoga_girl) - 2月17日 05時41分

For the past week I’ve felt like my body is not my own. From the moment I wake up until the moment Luna goes to bed she is on my hip or in my arms. If I leave the room for one second she cries and comes running after me. I can’t go to the bathroom or take a shower by myself and all my regular day-to-day things I have to do with one hand or Dennis has had to pick them up. I know it’s the combination of her being sick and not feeling well and the fact that we are traveling and out of our normal routine and life is crazy beautiful here but MAN am I exhausted. MAMMAMAMMAMAMMAMAMMAMAMMAMAMMAMAMMAMAMMAMAMMA. All. Day. Long. All I want is two minutes to chop some vegetables! Get dressed! Take a poop! Anything!? I do all my reasoning and explaining and acknowledge her feelings but it all results in her crying harder until she is beside herself. So I pick her up and that’s that. My right hip has become a shelf for her little body - we are morphing into one being. Dennis chops the vegetables instead. ⁣
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I love her so much my heart could break into a million little pieces and I would carry her on my hip for the rest of my life if I had to but I really, really need some alone time. I crave it like I crave water on a hot day. It’s primal, this instinct to be alone. Today after another morning of BÄR MIG BÄR MIG (carry me carry me) I decide I have to go to yoga class or my head will explode and just me putting on my shoes sends her into a frenzy. So I sit her down and say “mamma HAS to go to yoga now. I just have to. I need some alone time. I love you and I’ll see you soon” and somehow she sort of accepts it and through her tears she waves I LOVE YOU MAMMA SEE YOU SOON and as I get into the car I can hear her crying from inside the house but I drive to yoga class and get on my mat and again my body is mine and I move and I breathe and it’s so fucking glorious I don’t know how I could ever do without it. And then I roll up my mat and get in the car and come back home and now I’m typing this from her bedroom, wondering if she’s back asleep and if it’s safe to sneak out. ⁣
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Motherhood,⁣
you bring me to my knees. ⁣
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Strangely... I wouldn’t have it any other way. ⁣
x⁣

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