キャサリン・マコーミックのインスタグラム(kathrynrmccormick) - 10月19日 13時26分
Risk: is to expose(someone or something valued) to danger, harm, or loss.
When I think of taking a risk I normally relate it to personal ability & achievement… my pursuit of growth & sharing that new perspective or skill with my students or audience.
After reading this definition, I realize that most experiences where I would have considered myself “taking a risk” I am actually misinterpreting with an insecure need for approval, acceptance, & affirmation. If I am honest, most of what I “risk” will not put me in danger or harm. It may feel like I am “losing” if I don’t receive affirmation for my efforts, but what I am actually losing is the illusion that people pleasing is greater than stepping forward with full integrity even when those pure & wholehearted efforts may be completely unseen, unvalued, or disregarded. For me, the honest question underneath what makes many situations feel risky is “Am I Enough?”. This is one question I have been asking myself for as long as I can remember & also one that new circumstances bring me back to each year.
When I put myself out there or expose where my heart truly is & what it is passionate about, I feel vulnerable & many times afraid that it won’t be received while at the same time I feel as though I have no other choice than to step into these moments or I would be completely unsatisfied. My decision to step forward anyway feels like a risk & it is only my fear of not being safe or fear of not being enough for other’s liking that makes me feel like I am in danger, like I could be harmed energetically, and like my ego may “lose” leading me into a self-shaming spiral.
So as I write this today, I feel as though Risk for me feels like an illusion. Risk feels like a chance to try something I never have before & the danger, harm, & loss don’t seem as real when I release my need to control the outcome. It is simply an opportunity. A pure hearted “try” that I hope I can be proud of without any outside affirmation other than the childlike butterflies that live in my soul, dreaming of each new way to bring a bit more authenticity, rawness, & full hearted feeling to every moment I choose to experience.
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