スカイラー・カーギルのインスタグラム(skylarkergil) - 9月20日 04時22分

loving Scotland with my family ? more photos and stories to come! also, swipe to see my very thinning hair. i’ve got some thoughts on it!
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i used to feel like balding would be the End of the WoRlD for me, but i realized its just.. a part of life. it’s something i accepted *may* happen when i began testosterone almost ten years ago (january 2009.) i really didn’t *want* it to happen, so about two years into my physical transition, i began taking a low dose of Finasteride. lots of trans folk have told me about their worries about hair loss and if there’s anything they could do about it - i often cited finasteride as my way of combatting it for the time being. it helped lots and while my hair thinned, it was so gradual and sort of stopped at a “male pattern hairline.”
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i stopped Finasteride about three years ago while i was moving, feeling solid about how my head was looking and wanting to be on less medication overall. these past three years have been decently challenging, as well as approaching TEN YEARS on this strong hormone... well, here we are. i’m back on finasteride since july but it’s the kind of medication that doesn’t always work and, if it does, takes some time (read: a year or so.) so it goes, so it grows..
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as i’ve been on this trip abroad with my family, feeling myself more than usual (note my lack of recent selfies... screw that lol i’m back with a bang,) i’ve been taking selfies and have scowled at most of them due to my receding hairline. like, im single, 27, and balding?! no thanks. BUT last night, waiting to fall asleep, i had a realization.
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i used to study Buddhism and meditation in high school and college. i recall feeling at peace with accepting that our bodies are merely vessels, they’re temporary. the pain i cause my own self by feeling angry and upset at my hairline, of all things, just weighs me down. pain prevents me from being present in the moment. pain turns to anger turns to being anti-social, despondent, self absorbed in my own worries. some worries are valid, but my hairline receding? worrying about it will probably just cause it to accelerate. worrying about it... gets me nowhere. (continued in comments!)

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