ジ・オニオンのインスタグラム(theonion) - 5月25日 02時30分

“Our friend at machine 12 seems to be on one hell of a hot streak, so why don’t you head over there and make sure we don’t have any trouble,” said pit boss Lance Kessler, adding that the attendant should keep close tabs on the child in order to determine whether he was using a weighted ball or some other method to cheat at the game. “Just stay close, comp him a free orange soda or two, and report back to me. Don’t try and confront him—I don’t want a repeat of last February when that kid got too handsy with Helen Henny and had to be escorted out in cuffs. Just make sure he’s clean before he tries cashing in his winnings for a giant stuffed Pikachu or remote-control car.” #TheOnion

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