Emily Zeckのインスタグラム(thatpineapplegirl) - 10月19日 07時08分

We all have a chapter in our lives we don’t read like to read aloud…
Mine began about three years ago. I let somebody into my life, into the deepest parts of my heart and soul, and watched as they did ballet with a chainsaw. In short.. in the following 8 months of my life, I would find myself in the most toxic, over-romanticized, manipulative situation I’d ever been in.
I honestly never gave much thought to abusive or toxic relationships. In my mind it was simple. If they hit you, leave. If they are verbally abusive, leave. Just leave, right?
That was my mindset until I found myself so incredibly deep into a toxic relationship that I had not an ounce of self worth, confidence, or independence left in me.
I was to meet every physical standard that was set for me, or else I was unlovable. I stood in the mirror and despised, to a sickening level, every inch of myself. I weighed 89 lbs. He had me convinced that in order to be beautiful, and if I ever wanted to succeed in getting film/modeling/singing jobs that I had to spend thousands of dollars on surgery to remove my stretch marks – he would inspect them on a regular basis. I spent hundreds of dollars on creams and on scrubs and on tools with hundreds of tiny needles that were supposed to fully rid me of my disgusting marks. I spent hours scrolling through Instagram, screenshotting photos of girls and comparing my body to theirs. I was working out 2-3 times a day and going on 3-mile daily runs in a sweatshirt and sweatpants in 90 degree Florida weather, sometimes passing out from exhaustion.

He had me convinced that my music was all wrong, that the songs I wrote him were embarrassing, that my managers and my family were full of crap, and that school was a waste of time. I started failing my classes. My relationship with my team and with my parents was hanging on by a single thread. Most importantly, my relationship with myself was practically nonexistent. Every single aspect of my life had to be blessed with his approval or else I was doomed. I was playing his game, happily and brainwashed, and I had no chance of winning. (Continued in comments..)

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